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How my boyfriend beat me over fufu – Lady pastor shares story [Video]

Rev. Dr. Jennifer Donkor, the founder of Young Minister’s Ministries and the Don’t Give Up Foundation, has detailed how she was brutalized by her boyfriend.

Despite this, she chose to continue in the violent relationship for another six years in the hopes that he would improve.

In an interview with Aniwaa Anim-Addo on Joy Fm’s Strong and Sassy on Wednesday, Rev. Dr. Jennifer Donkor revealed this.

Dr. Donkor was dismissed from her uncle’s house in Madina thirteen years ago and ended up in Tema station. This happened when she moved to the city in search of brighter pastures.

Following that, life was not easy. She spent several years on the streets, and while she eventually found work, she had to leave since her working circumstances were inhumane.

She found tranquility at the house of an auntie, but after a year, she returned to the hamlet. That’s when she first met John (not his real name.) John declared his love for her and proposed that they live together. She concurred.

“I met a guy who was genuinely interested in me. He stated that he preferred to be alone, so why don’t I join him where he resides?

I was seeking for love because I lacked it. I was roughly 23 years old at the time, and he was a buddy of my older brother, so I didn’t think he could kill a fly.

“I met him in the village, but he lived in Accra, and he promised to pay me money if I came to see him there.” I purchased some food and went to live with him, overjoyed that I had finally found a place to stay and a man who loved me. The first three months of our relationship were lovely, pleasant, and full of joy, so I assumed that was the end of it. But later on, I realized he was someone else,” she explained.

When he mistreated her, he had rage issues and preyed on her emotions. John allegedly attacked her on several occasions and for the tiniest mistake she made, according to her. She couldn’t leave because each time it happened, John apologized profusely, and she forgave him.

“He was a charming guy, but he was abusive; after three months, I wanted to leave because I realized if you don’t give him sex, he’ll beat you up.” If you don’t cook, he will beat you; if you don’t clean up after yourself, he will beat you. And one characteristic of abusive relationships is that they begin with the abuser stating, “Don’t leave me, I love you.” ‘If you abandon me, I shall perish.’

“One of his characteristics was that he was extremely excellent at apologizing and will give you anything you desire if he offends you so that you forgive him. So I forgave him after he apologized, and the attack went on for years,” she explained.

The first time he beat her

Recounting the first time she was battered, she said it was the day she failed to pound fufu for John and his friends, numbering six.

“I was supposed to pound fufu and I realised that he was coming with his friends and they were about six. I can’t pound fufu for six people alone, so I prepared the soup and sent him a message that when he comes with his friends, they should help me to pound the fufu.

“He got angry. He said I had disgraced him in front of his friends, so when he came he just behaved like nothing was happening and gave an excuse to his friends as to why there was no fufu and when they left, he took a belt and a laptop charger and flogged me. My leg was swollen for about a week,” she said.

Jennifer said John’s battery left marks on her skin which are still visible.

Those days, no one could visit her because John warned her against that.

“And I also realsied that I couldn’t go back to the village. I had nowhere to go. I didn’t have a choice. I had to stay there. Two things were holding me: I loved this guy and secondly, I thought he would change. We all believe people change, so I was holding on to that until one day I was like, I was going to die. And that’s why you don’t need to accuse or point fingers at anyone who is in an abusive relationship.

At a pointRev. Donkor got the opportunity to go to school, “that was the biggest opportunity for me to stay away from him. But because I love him, when I go I come back. One day, I was in school and a friend called and said the guy has been bringing a certain girl to the house on weekends. It was a Saturday around 7:00pm. She asked me to come to Accra immediately since the lady was around. I quickly caught up with a bus and came to Accra.  So I knocked on the door and when he opened the door, the lady was there.”

Obviously, not expecting her, a surprised John asked what she was doing there.

“I told him I decided to come and give him a surprise visit. So I complained who is this? He retorted, asking why I was complaining. When I came in were they making love or something? So I asked the lady to go out and that I wanted to have a word with the guy. So when the lady left I locked the door. Before I could say anything, I was beaten like, excuse me to say, a dog, and he asked the lady to come inside and sleep. That night we all slept on the same bed. The next day, my face, my eyes, everything was swollen. I was sick,” she said.

A week later, the lady she caught with John returned. “I got angry, took her clothes and burnt them,” and this action also attracted another round of beating.

“That night, I realised there was blood coming from my nose and my mouth, so I was able to run out of the house.

“I decided to seek help from a security guy around, but he said there was nothing he could do about it. So I had to go back to the house. For three days, I couldn’t open my mouth, I couldn’t speak,” she said.

The assault continued for years. Dr. Jennifer Donkor couldn’t leave because at a point, John threatened to kill her.

Moreover, she had nowhere to go and was afraid of leaving.

“It got to a point he said I have bought acid. It is under the bed. ‘If you try to leave I will destroy you.

“None of my parents knew what I was going through.”

But one day, she finally decided to leave.

The End

“It got to a point he said I have bought acid. It is under the bed. ‘If you try to leave I will destroy you.

“None of my parents knew what I was going through.”

But one day, she finally decided to leave.

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